I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
