Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Couch. On fire.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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