Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
