tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
