How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This baby is an asshole
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
