Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
