The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My vagina is very pro this idea
soo... how was my night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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