So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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