living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
