do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
