he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
