I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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