you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
try to milk me bitch
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