I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
