Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
