don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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