Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
