Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
