hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
