dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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