but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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