honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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