just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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