I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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