just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
