i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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