just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
