Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
