remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
