i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
