this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
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Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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