i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
