Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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