i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
