You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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