wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
