o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
