I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So squirting runs in the family.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
