it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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