i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
