My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
