Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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