I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
