You're my little dorito
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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