I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
