I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
