I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
