He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
