You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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