I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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