I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
