At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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