Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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