bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
