i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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