Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
