Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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