corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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