just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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