Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
