so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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