my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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