HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
