I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
