I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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