He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
