All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
