# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
