Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
