party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
